In regard to our national crime wave, if I were king, I would send throughout my kingdom an edict, temporarily setting aside all the namby-pambys who seem to be running my kingdom.

My edict would also require all the big box businesses in my kingdom to install in their parking lots a 10-foot wooden whipping post to be used in the following way:

On Saturday afternoon, all the week’s scowflaws would be rounded up to receive the earned number of smacks, which would be administered according to the severity of the dirty deed performed. Spit on the sidewalk, one smack; steal something, 10 smacks, violate a woman or a child, 40 lashes three Saturdays in a row. Get the picture?

My edict would also command that all of my subjects be in attendance to observe these whackings. Thirty days, no more crime wave. My loyal rednecks can go back to fixing their trucks.

In my kingdom, there would be no such thing as cruel or unusual punishment. You know that the punishment will be swift and sure, if you are caught.

Mel Heath

Dolores