For the past two columns, we have been looking at Principled Negotiation, a strategy developed by the Harvard Negotiation Project for handling situations when you find yourself at odds with someone. Principled Negotiation strikes a balance between demanding your own way and simply giving in to the other’s demands.
The first of its four components is to separate the people from the problem, followed by step two: focus on real interests, not positions. That brings us to today’s component: invent options for mutual gain.
Whenever you are in a dispute or a negotiation, it is natural to see the situation as a competition, where your gain must mean their loss. But Principled Negotiation invites you to look at it differently. Each person is encouraged to care not only about their own interests but also about the well-being of the other party. That is the mutual gain component. The invent options component is about stepping outside the box to create new solutions that you may never have considered before.
In their classic book Getting to Yes, authors Roger Fisher and William Ury identify four major obstacles that often prevent this kind of creative collaboration.
The first is premature judgment, when someone suggests an idea and the other person immediately dismisses it as unworkable or unrealistic. Sadly, this happens quite often: one person offers a thought, and another shoots it down before it has even been explained. This shuts down creativity and discourages participation.
The second obstacle is searching for the single solution. When people enter negotiations believing there is only one perfect answer, they miss the chance to explore other possible outcomes that could satisfy both sides.
The third is the assumption of a fixed pie. This occurs when one or both parties see the negotiation as win-lose or lose-win. If you assume there cannot be a win-win outcome, you will probably never find one.
And the fourth obstacle is thinking that solving their problem is their problem. That mindset limits your perspective to only half the puzzle. In truth, each side has a stake in helping the other find satisfaction, because a solution that benefits both is far more likely to last.
To overcome these obstacles, it helps to start with the belief that resolution is possible. My favorite professor in graduate school often admonished me to keep a window open in the attic. He meant that I should stay open to new ideas and resist thinking I already know all there is to know.
I have come to see that same advice as vital in conflict resolution. If you believe a positive outcome is possible, you are much more likely to invest the time, energy, and effort to find it. But if you convince yourself it is hopeless, you will stop trying before you have even begun.
With that open attitude in place, the parties can move on to brainstorming, working together to generate creative ways to address what is dividing them. Brainstorming can be a wonderful tool or a total waste of time; it depends on how it is done.
That’s such an important topic, I’ll save it for a future column. If you have an upcoming brainstorm session or are in hurry to learn some tips to handle it well, send me an email to ron@ronprice.com and I’ll send you the details.
Nobody ever said resolving conflict would be easy. But it is often more possible than we think, and inventing options for mutual gain is one of the best ways to get there.
Ron Price, who has a master’s degree in counseling from the University of New Mexico, is author of the “Play Nice in Your Sandbox” book series and creator of the CPR Mastery video course. He is available for workshops and staff training. Contact Ron at ron@ronprice.com and (505) 324-6328. Learn more at ronprice.com.
